If Zelda Was a Boy
by Jen Six
Summary: A challenge from my gamer illiterate roommate. Set in the semi-fictional, semi-Internet trolling headverse of Rule 63.


A/N: My roommate, who knows nothing of Legend of Zelda, saw the "If Zelda was a girl" thing for the first time. Her reaction was hysterical, but wrong. She threw down the writing gauntlet, and told me that I should "educate" her, so I did. And now I typed up this short.

* * *

Riddle me this: What if Zelda was a boy? A boy who spends all of his time off-screen, being the hapless damsel in distress, incapable for fighting for his kingdom, for his _home_, because he was unlucky enough to be born with the Triforce of Wisdom and not Courage or Power. He has the insight to know fighting back against Ganondorf directly will end badly for himself and for his people, and that they all stand a better chance if the Hero of Time sweeps in to save the day. The Hero of Time, usually also a boy of noticeable Hylian features, whom he shares an intense emotional connection to, in which he doesn't understand.

Weeks and weeks go by, and in one case, seven years, and finally, Ganondorf is slain. The people are saved, and Zelda can't help but wonder what happened to Link, his friend, his compatriot, his partner. He debates sending Link back in time seven years, to live through the childhood he never had, to erase all evidence of Ganondorf's influence, and the part that is influenced by the Triforce even tells him it's the right thing to do, but he can't. He can't send the only other person in the kingdom who knows what it feels like to be displaced in Time away, even though it's the right thing to do. He suffers through his feelings, knowing that he's being weak, that after years of making the right choice, he's just made the wrong one.

Time continues to pass, and Zelda is forced by diplomatic means to take a wife. She's a pretty enough girl, as far as foreign princesses go, but she's human and she's not Gerudo, so the court accepts her. She's also level-headed, on the smart side of ordinary, and blonde, so she goes over well with the public. Zelda invites Link to his wedding, and Link shows up with a red-headed farm girl. He doesn't bother asking for a name, all he knows is that there's a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that nothing about this life is right, and that it should be completely different—he's read everything the sages have in the library about the life cycles, the timelines. The Triforce of Power is always wielded initially by an outsider, who more often than not uses it for personal gain. The Triforce of Wisdom is always wielded by a member of the Hylian Royal Family, who always tries to use it for the good of the kingdom. The Triforce of Courage was always the deciding vote, and almost always sided with the Triforce of Wisdom. Usually, the texts said, the wielder of the Triforce of Wisdom was female, a queen or princess that ruled by her father's side, and then with her husband at her own. Succession laws were written to place a child with the Triforce ahead of all other children, in all circumstances.

Zelda didn't like reading those books. They always implied of a relationship between the three wielders of the Triforce that knew no bonds, which would continue until the end of days. He didn't like thinking he would be connected to Link and Ganondorf until the end of Time.

Before he knew it, his wife had a child—a girl, with no mark on the back of her hand like he had, when he was her age. Zelda was relieved. With the addition of a royal child, Zelda let his wife talk him into hiring more help around the castle—guards, tutors, whatever she asked. As his daughter grew, Zelda started seeing more and more of the Hero of Time in her. She disdained her tutors, and most of her playthings, and spent much of her time riding horseback, practicing archery and fencing, and talking to people. His wife was worried, but Zelda knew the signs when he saw them. Instead of encouraging her or pushing her away from the activities, Zelda did nothing. Either way as he saw it would foster her interest. Cold disconnect, he reasoned, would get her to move onto something else to catch his attention.

A decade passed, and Zelda grew older, grayer, and fatter. His wife quietly divorced him over the years, complaining that he was cheating on her. The priests agreed; Zelda did not. It wasn't that he had lost interest in his wife, he defended, it was that he had never had interest in his wife to begin with. The only person he had ever felt anything resembling a connection to was a man, after all, and men don't birth children.

Time continued to pass, until one day, Zelda woke up to find news that his daughter was gone. Gone where, no one knew, but she had taken her favorite horse—A chestnut mare, they said, with four white stockings and a blaze—out for a ride early in the morning, before the gates were down. It could be days, they said, but they would find her. Dead or alive was left unsaid, but Zelda climbed up onto a horse, despite his stable master and all of the stable boys telling him no, to ride in a carriage.

Zelda headed out straight to Lon Lon Ranch, riding as fast as he could, with a full entourage following him. Try as he might, he was King, and the court would never let their king out of their sights again. Zelda reached the gates of Lon Lon Ranch, where a slightly balding, once blond man waited for him. His tunic was faded green, and patched, but Zelda would recognize the Hero of Time anywhere.

Inside, he said. She's taking a try at the obstacle course. Very talented daughter, you know that. Of course he knew that, Zelda would reply. Any daughter of his would be the antithesis of what their father wanted, and all he had wanted was a bookish daughter that stayed out of trouble.

Before anyone could get inside, there was a scream. Zelda's horse bolted towards the fence, leaving him no time to grasp the reigns. It had been years since he had ridden a horse, and he lost his balance. His horse jumped the fence, leaving him to fall off, hitting his head hard on the ground, at an angle. His last thought, in the world, was of the man in green, telling him his daughter was safe.


End file.
